A Lost Child
"A lost child is a void that echoes backwards and forwards in time.
It encompasses not just the rooms you were in with them and are no longer,
or even those rooms you will never enter together.
The negation is deeper.
It is the knowledge that in every room you enter for the rest of your life, they should be there, and are not.
And your memories of them become totems to that absence.
A lost child is a story that’s never allowed to end."
-True Detective HBO
Obituary
Samuel J. Kaplan died by suicide on September 17, 2018 in Syosset, NY, at the age of 17. Sam is survived by his mother, Nicole Turano of Chappaqua, NY; grandparents Margot and Vincent Turano of Carmel, NY; father David Kaplan, stepmother, Alice and younger half-siblings, Natalie, Arthur and Benjamin of Syosset, NY.
Though much of the beautiful life chronicled below may feel deeply associated with “Sam” in our hearts and memories, later in life, Sam’s chosen name was Sabrina. The name Sabrina and appropriate pronouns will be used out of respect for her journey and her wishes.
Sabrina’s remarkable young life began on January 19, 2001 in New York City. She grew up in Chappaqua, NY, and attended Douglas Grafflin Elementary School, Robert Bell Middle School and Horace Greeley High School.
Sabrina was born profoundly deaf and received her first cochlear implant at eighteen months and her second at six years of age. She worked incredibly hard and persevered learning to listen and talk. And, although a late talker, Sabrina excelled in all things academic from an early age. She enjoyed astronomy -- as a young child she decorated her room with 13 solar systems -- and was an avid reader and chess enthusiast.
She would ask for problems to solve just for the fun of it. A fan of Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein, she was fascinated with particle physics, relativity, dark matter and energy.
A straight-A student, Sabrina was honored at the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth Grand Ceremony for academic excellence and Davidson Young Scholars. Her most recent honor was as a National Merit Semi-Finalist, just named last week.
She loved working on anything math- and science-related. She was active in Academic Challenge, Science Olympiad, chess, and First Lego League. She attended Columbia University’s Science Honors Program, and numerous computer and academic camps for science and math.
Although writing was not her first love, she was extremely adept and eloquent, and although she would never admit it, she had a true interest in history.
Sabrina had many joys outside of academics, as well.
Her love of roller coasters was boundless -- the higher and faster the better.
She loved reading, skiing, and hiking. She also enjoyed time with her friends that shared her interests and supported her dreams.
She volunteered at Westmoreland Sanctuary, the Chappaqua Library Teen Zone, and the Ossining Children’s Center. Most recently Sabrina became involved with the Debate Club and the Gay Straight Alliance.
She had a very close and loving relationship with her grandparents. Sabrina spent five summers in a row hiking with Gramps in the White Mountains, including Mount Washington and most of the remote mountain huts. She loved crafting and baking with Yaya, and spending many holidays with them.
One of her mom’s favorite memories from when she was young was pajama day, when they would spend the day at home in their pjs, reading together and playing games. They read the Harry Potter series to each other. As she grew older her mother was always in awe of how much she learned from Sabrina, life lessons of patience, determination, and sincerity. Her mom also learned more about science and the Universe, as Sabrina would try to explain all that she was learning beyond the classroom.
Sabrina was affectionate, kind and passionate about all that was important to her. She loved to learn and her hunger for knowledge was infectious. Her smile and sense of humor complimented her precocious personality. She was truly a bright star that will continue to shine in all of us that had the privilege to know her.
A wake is scheduled for Friday, September 21, 2018 from 4pm-8pm at Beecher Flooks Funeral Home, 418 Bedford Road, Pleasantville, NY. The family is requesting no flowers/donations at this time.
Nicki's Words from the Memorial
I want to start by saying thank you – to everyone here today…to my family and friends who are truly like family, who have been so supportive, patient and beyond helpful this past year.
I want to be respectful to my child by using the name she identified with- that of Sabrina but I also want to say that if I slip up and use Sam it is not because I did not and would not have supported her or out of disrespect but because I only had the chance to call her by her first given name and not her chosen one- and for that I will forever be sorry. But in all honesty I rarely used her name. Early on she was sweet pea and later I simply called her P or peester.
Figuring out what to say today and actually writing something down has been at best an enormous challenge. Trying to capture in words the essence of a child, my child in a few minutes when you want and need those minutes to hold you a lifetime is not something I think anyone can truly accomplish, I know that it is beyond me. It feels inadequate to say how much joy and love she brought to my life. Its impossible to measure the depth or breathe of what she meant to me and the loss that will forever be with me. The cliché of how a parent is never supposed to bury a child only scratches the surface of my agony. Sabrina was my world. From very early on, perhaps because she was my first or perhaps because of her hearing loss I knew that I would move heaven and earth to make sure she had the support, love and tools she would need to succeed. For the first years of life we learned to communicate in ways beyond words, she truly didn’t have access to sound for nearly the first two years of her life, making her achievements even that much more impressive.
Could she be difficult, stubborn and opinionated- absolutely. And she would say the same of her mother- along with some other choice adjectives. Were we different in our approaches to life-for sure. She would often joke that the apple didn’t just fall far from the tree it fell away from the tree down the hill, across the river and over the next mountain. Our strengths lied in different areas- mine being the emotional, talking connection with my social work background- which could be like a foreign language to Sabrina while hers came from the straight forward scientific, logical, weigh the facts camp-which for me sometimes felt like it came from another galaxy. She and my father, her grandfather had a running joke that the mathematical/scientific knowledge and ability skipped a generation and I must admit it is true. I counted on Sabrina for the most basic things like figuring out the tip on a bill to the more complicated explanations when we visited the many science museums and lectures over the years and there were more than I can possibly count. I learned about Early on I came to the understanding for myself that I had attended school mostly for the fact that it was the foundation I needed to keep up with Sabrina’s knowledge and interests- this of course only lasted so long, as she surpassed my science and math abilities by the end of middle school and most of my knowledge of history, beyond the broad strokes was from listening to her tell the stories of what she had learned in school or reviewing a project or assignment with her. She would often complain about the need to learn history or do a writing assignment but her knowledge was not only deep and comprehensive she truly understood and was able to explain in words and written language the knowledge she had gained and integrated. No doubt explaining to me, many times she showed her frustration and sometimes elitism when people are not as savy or quick to pick up on a concept- at times it was difficult to get her to step into a persons shoes that may not be as knowledgeable or educated in an area. However, I also know she had great patience, when she wanted to, to explain and breakdown concepts and details of the most complicated scenarios and help another person make it their own.
Sabrina was extremely focused and motivated- she did not have time or see the need to engage in what she considered useless information. I vividly remember her coming home in 10th grade and telling me the story about working in groups to answer questions and the majority of her group discussed everything but bio, she had to redirect them multiple times and then she said that they could not believe she did not know who the Kardashians were (of course I did not pick up on what she was saying write away because it did not sound like Kardashian but after I pieced it together and tried to explain- the look on her face said it all. Now many of us could agree on the baniality of this topic however, for Sabrina this ran true of many social standards from pep rally’s to small talk. I believe that Sabrina’s friend Nicky stated yesterday how they would try to expose her to more mainstream conversation by making her listen to their synopsis of Game of Thrones- I am glad I was not the only one trying to impart the world beyond her unique interests to her.
I have walked through a few museums since losing my child and it is one of the hardest things for me to do. I became a more rounded, tolerant, educated and honestly more daring individual because of Sabrina. She opened doors to me to participate in things I would never have done without her…one in particular- roller coasters…Sabrina loved them- the high, faster and more curves the better. Kingda Ka was one of her favorites- she would sit in front, never holding on whereas, I would never sit in the front, held on for dear life and screamed the entire time. Because she had to take her implants off she never really heard me scream, the blood curdling sounds that they were. A few years back we went on the cat and mouse ride together and because it doesn’t dump you upside down she wore her implants. She was lucky enough to sit next to me and when I started screaming she had no idea what was going on as she had never heard it before. Well, although she got a good chuckle out of it, she was done sitting next to me on rides. That privilege I happily gave up to Allison, Kristen and Kate Khouri- friends that were like her sisters that she had known since she was born. Sabrina loved them and spending time with them and I love them for treating her like family.
There is so much I miss about her, her sense of humor. She could make me laugh when it was the last thing I really wanted to do. I lost count of the number of times her teachers told me how she seemed to get their humor and would laugh along with them when others did not. There was so much I still wanted to do with her but most of all my sadness lies in all of things she will miss. I know she was destined to do amazing things in physics, the area of science she wanted to focus on but it also breaks my heart for all of the things she will never see happen- the new technologies, what we accomplish in outer space- I know these are all simplified statements but I am missing the person who would have given me the words to explain myself in more analytic scientific terminology. I am sorry she will never get to be who she needed to be to feel comfortable and settled in this world. Although I truly believed she accomplished some amazing things in her short life I wish with all of my heart and every fiber of my being that she had had more time. I know I am her mother, and mothers always say this but I truly believe the world has missed out. They missed out on the accomplishments and contributions she would have made to her chosen field but more importantly we are missing out on a wonderful friend and human being.
I am grateful for the friendships she had. I don’t think I really understood or acknowledged the complexity and importance of their relationships until after her passing. Watching her group of friends, Andy, Nicky, Zachary, Aron, Nathan, Daniel, Chirag, Spencer, Max, Orestes and Logan come together and support Sabrina’s memory- the acceptance of her and her struggles gives me peace and hope.
I miss her, every moment of every day….but most of all I miss her hugs and our ongoing argument about who loves who more….I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than I loved her.
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Vince's Words from the Memorial
Dear Sabrina,
I have so many fond memories of you that I cherish and will carry in my heart forever.
I remember your two cochlear implant operations, and was amazed at your courage and spirit both times at such a young age.
I remember taking you or attending many of your therapy appointments and being so proud at your tenacity and progress, and your attendance with very very few complaints.
I remember your many chess matches and being astonished at your prowess at such a young age.
I remember taking you fishing and watching how you enjoyed catching your first fish.
I remember taking vacations with you to such fun places as Disney and Hilton Head and watching how much fun you had.
I remember going to Washington D.C. (twice) and Cape Canaveral and watching your interest, love and command of science and the humanities grow.
I remember our many Face Time discussions of math and science, and always being impressed at your understanding and analysis of new, difficult material.
I remember taking you to attend physics lectures at Columbia’s Nevis Laboratory and being so proud of your understanding of particle physics, particularly the new fields of dark matter and dark energy.
I remember our many hikes in the White Mountains, particularly up Mount Eisenhower, and how well you handled difficult and strenuous challenges.
We enjoyed many wonderful experiences; I will always remember them and miss you.
I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!
LOV Gramps
Margot's Words from the Memorial
Out of respect for my cherished grandchild I will be using the pronouns she/her and the name Sabrina in this celebration and remembrance of her life.
We were there when she was born, when she was learning to walk, when she had each of her cochlear implants implanted, when she heard her first sound, for all of her birthdays and so much more.
As a child she loved to decorate cupcakes, make gingerbread houses and was a talented artist. Then chess and Legos became some of her passions. As she matured her interests turned to math and science - even though she excelled in all subjects. There were times when Sabrina spoke with her gramps about math or science and it was so technical it sounded like a foreign language to me. She was a voracious reader and was rarely without a book in her hands. With her intellect and drive she would have made an enormous positive change in our world.
Sabrina died way before her time and my heart is truly broken. But as she would say, 'Matter can never be created or destroyed'. Therefore she will be with us forever; in our hearts, in the stars and in generations to come.
Sabrina - I will love you forever and ever.
You are my precious grandchild.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses,
Your Yaya
Robbin's Words from the Memorial
I knew Sam Sabrina starting when she was 10 years old, already a voracious reader and a regular at the Chappaqua Library, where I work. In the time we spent together, Sabrina was known as Sam and so that’s the name I’m going to use just for one story. And actually, when I think of Sam, it’s really Sam and Nicki, as a pair, that come to mind. Together, they joined my brand new book club at the library, designed for middle school students and a parent. They both jumped right in, offering opinions and asking questions. Because I wanted the kids to feel ownership, I suggested they come up with their own names for the group and we would vote. I’ll admit, I don’t remember the other ideas the kids volunteered--Sam gave them all a better option right away. If we call it Sam Brings Snacks, he said, my mom will make snickerdoodles next time. And sold! By overwhelming majority, we became Sam Brings Snacks for the rest of the year. Nicki did bring snickerdoodles. They were delicious. At the start of every year, before my group has voted on a new name, I mark the book club in my calendar as Sam Brings Snacks, because to me, that will always be the original.
As a pretty dedicated reader myself, I could recognize another book person like Sabrina pretty quickly. But I didn’t know yet how fascinated she was with math and science. That was a different book club discovery. At the start of every meeting, I asked everyone, kids and parents, to rate the book on a scale from 1 to 10. But Sabrina’s thoughts and opinions could not be expressed on such a typical scale. While Nicki and most of the rest of the group kept it fairly simple, Sabrina’s ratings required symbols and algebraic functions and very precise decimal places. Our friendly battle over these complicated ratings led to our name a year later--the Three Decimal Place Club. The name has changed again, but the rule still stands.
One of the book club meetings with Sabrina and Nicki that I remember best was the time no one else came. At the time, the book choice didn’t feel portentous, just a good fit for me and Sabrina, both sci fi fans. The book is called The Only Ones, and in it a group of kids survive a sudden event when everyone else in the world disappears. They eventually build a time machine that, when loaded with an object connected to one of the missing people, returns that person to the world. Though it was only the three of us, we had a great conversation--talking about family and history and the mechanics of time travel. And we talked about the mark we leave on the world. Sabrina certainly left her mark on me. The machine in The Only Ones doesn’t exist--Sabrina was pretty dubious about the physics and I’m confident she was right--but I have years of memories with Sabrina. I know you all do too. And I’m grateful that they will help keep her with us.
Reading by Julia Rellou
There are three words that bring SamSabrina to mind – and to life: Kindness, Warmth, and Radiance. All of us fortunate to have known SamSabrina would overwhelmingly agree SamSabrina was one of the kindest people we have ever known and will ever know – and was equally warm, caring, and compassionate. As for Radiance… SamSabrina was radiant, glowing with inquisitiveness, insight, and passion for inquiry and learning.
The poet William Wordsworth, in his Ode: Intimations of Immortality written in the early 1800s, inferred that Radiance was immortal. I will read William Wordsworth’s poem: Ode: Intimations of Immortality.
Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
-- William Wordsworth
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William Wordsworth could not have been more prescient: SamSabrina’s Radiance, having been, must ever be. It is such Radiance that SamSabrina’s friends and classmates, all of you in this room and many more, will look up to, like the Polar Star, as in the years ahead, you work to achieve and fulfill in addition to your own potential, SamSabrina’s potential.
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SamSabrina’s Radiance guided me to find a second and final poem to share with you. Its title some of you might be familiar with is, “I give you this one thought to keep.” It was written in 1932 by Mary Elizabeth Frye. Even more relevant to SamSabrina, this poem has also been known with the title, “I am the sunlight,” while it was set to Music by Howard Goodall with the title, “Eternal Light.”
I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you still,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone;
I am with you still in each new dawn.
-- Mary Elizabeth Frye
SamSabrina is with us, still, and will always be with us as the brightest star that shines at night and as the sun’s eternal light.
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